An owner’s manual for happiness

Brooks and Winfrey explain how your mind and brain work

Joanne McHugh

Oct 28, 2025

Book of the Month “Build the Life You Want” by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. “Happy feelings are not happiness; they are evidence of happiness. The happiness itself is the real phenomenon…The macronutrients of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.” Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey

"I write, speak, and teach about happiness precisely because it’s naturally hard for me, and I want more of it. My baseline well-being level–the level where I would sit if I didn’t study it and work on it every day–is significantly lower than average. It’s not as if I have had huge trauma or unusual suffering. No one should feel sorry for me. It just runs in the family…So my work as a social scientist isn’t research–it’s me-search," said Arthur C. Brooks.

"Our mission in this book is to open up the amazing science of happiness to people in all walks of life, who can use it to live better and lift up others...With a greater understanding of how your mind and brain work, you can build the life you want, starting inside with your emotions, and then turning outward to your family, friendships, work, and spiritual life," said Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey.

What is happiness? “Happiness is a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. To get happier is to get more of these elements, in a balanced way–not all of one and none of another. One funny thing about all three: they all have some unhappiness within them. Enjoyment takes work and forgoing pleasures; satisfaction requires sacrifice and doesn’t last; purpose almost always entails suffering. Getting happier, in other words, requires that we accept unhappiness in our lives as well, and understanding it isn’t an obstacle to our happiness,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

Why negative feelings are helpful “We are better suited to processing unhappy feelings than happy ones, to keep us safe and alert to danger. This is called negativity bias. Negative emotions also help us to learn valuable lessons so we don’t make mistakes again and again…Negative feelings can be a helpful response to problems in the environment, leading us to pay appropriate attention and come up with solutions. In other words, when we are sad or angry about something, we may be more likely to fix it. And that, of course, leads us to be happier in the long run,” said Athur C. Brooks.

Feeling frantic? Make a list “If you are feeling frantic about all the things you need to do, without metacognition there is no way to organize the problem in your mind. Your limbic system is designed to send alarms, not make lists. On a busy day, start with your coffee and calmly make a list of the things you need to do, in order of importance. Your prefrontal cortex is now in charge and you will feel much more in control. You will also have the presence of mind to decide which things get done today, which you will leave until tomorrow, and which you might even decide to do…never,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

How to resolve painful memories “In your journal, reserve a section for painful experiences, writing them down right afterward. Leave two lines below each entry. After 1 month, return to the journal and write in the first blank line what you learned from that bad experience in the intervening period. After 6 months, fill in the second line with the positives that ultimately came from it. You will be amazed at how this exercise changes your perspective on your past,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

Gratitude helps turn down the noise “The single best way to grasp the reality of good things in life and turn down the noise that makes real threats to distinguish it from petty ones is to occupy some of the negative emotion receptors with a different, positive feeling. The most effective of these positive feelings is gratitude,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

Focusing less on yourself improves well-being “Adopting more of an outward focus on life–observing the world and caring for other people without making so much of life about yourself–is one of the best ways to increase your own well-being..This means being good to others as selflessly as possible, but more subtly, it means deflecting your own constant attention from yourself and your desires. Focusing on ourselves is the most normal thing in the world. Yet this doesn’t help us get happier…Working against this natural tendency gives us relief from the sitcom on loop in our heads that is our daily me-focused lives,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

Stop caring what others think about you “You especially care about others’ opinion of you, and evolution explains why: For virtually all of human history, humans’ survival depended on membership in close-knit clans and tribes…The instinct to want the approval of others is woefully maladapted to modern life. Where once you would have justifiably felt the terror of being expelled into the forest alone, today you might suffer acute anxiety that strangers online will ‘cancel’ you for an ill-considered remark, or passerby will snap a photo of a poor fashion choice and mock it on Instagram for all to see…” said Arthur C. Brooks.

Stop caring what others think about you “This tendency may be natural, but it can drive you around the bend if you let it…Remind yourself that no one cares. The ironic thing about feeling bad about yourself because of what people might think of you is that others have many fewer opinions about you–positive or negative–than you might imagine. Studies show that we all consistently overestimate how much people think about us and our failings, leading us to undue inhibition and worse quality of life. Perhaps your followers or neighbors would have a lower opinion of you if they were thinking about you–but they probably aren’t,” said Arthur C. Brooks.

The Book of the Month is "Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier" by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey

In the olden days, moms used to clip articles from newspapers for their kids if they thought it was something they needed to know. I’m keeping an eye out for things that you might have missed that may be helpful to you.

This week’s clips:

Is your phone almost out of storage? Wirecutter shares hacks for decluttering photos, files, apps, and unread emails.

According to Business Insider, Gen Z is prioritizing its long-term career trajectory more than previous generations. Mind the Gap offers a quick and dirty guide to creating your own personal development road map.

On a good day, we only hear 30% of what someone says to us. Sunday Paper uncovers the truth about the often overlooked component of communication–listening–and explains how you can get better at it.

Share Things Your Mom Should Have Told You

Things Your Mom Should Have Told You

An owner’s manual for happiness

Brooks and Winfrey explain how your mind and brain work

This week’s clips:

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