If life is full of plot twists, why not learn how to master them?

Bruce Feiler shares what his research revealed about navigating life transitions

Joanne McHugh

May 27, 2025

Book of the Month: “Life is in the Transitions” by Bruce Feiler. According to Bruce Feiler, “The average adult will experience one life disruptor every one to two years…If we view these periods as aberrations, we risk their becoming missed opportunities. If we view them as openings, we just might open up to them.”

"At the outset, I expected that how people handled crises in their personal lives or work lives or spiritual lives would be quite different from one another. Each transition must have its own playbook. I was mistaken. What I found was far more similarities–and a far more unified tool kit–than I ever would have imagined.," said Bruce Feiler.

“I’d like to redefine what life transitions mean. As long as we all have to go through these tumultuous periods, and not just once or twice, but three, four, five, or even more times in our lives…Why do we insist on talking about these periods as something dire and defeating…As long as life is going to be full of plot twists, why not spend more time learning to master them?” said Bruce Feiler.

"Transitions are becoming more plentiful. Life changes happen when they happen, often when we least expect them to happen, and at a pace that would have seemed unthinkable even a few years ago. The average adult will experience one life disruptor every one to two years…One in ten of those–around three to five in an adult life–will be so big that the person will undergo a major life change…It’s time we see ourselves as what we are: a people in perpetual flux," said Bruce Feiler.

"Transitions are nonlinear. Transitions are not hopscotch, they’re pinball; they’re not connect-the-dots, they’re freestyle drawing. People gravitate to the stage they’re best at–the long goodbye, the messy middle, or the new beginning–and bog down in the one they’re worst at. Even the most adept of us at managing transitions have parts of the process we don’t handle well.," said Bruce Feiler.

" The average length of a life transition is around five years. Fewer than one in four said it took under three years; more than half said it took between four and ten years; one in seven said it took longer. Again, multiply these figures by the number of transitions we’re likely to face–three, four, five, or more–and it’s clear that transitions are a lifetime sport that no one is teaching us how to play," said Bruce Feiler.

"More than 90% of people said their transitions ultimately did come to a conclusion. Transitions take longer than we think, but not longer than we need–and not forever, either.," said Bruce Feiler.

"Transitions involve tools that everyone can master and that everyone deploys in their own idiosyncratic way. The full tool kit involves accepting the situation, marking the change, shedding old ways, creating new outlets, sharing your transformation, unveiling your new self, telling your story," said Bruce Feiler.

" Transitions are autobiographical occasions. The disruptors, pivots, junctures, deadlocks, lurches, and lifequakes that dot our lives are narrative breaches that must be tended, in part, with narrative repairs. We must fix the plot holes in our life stories. A life transition is both the setting and the mechanism to do just that," said Bruce Feiler.

“Transitions are essential to life. Instead of dismissing them as hostile terrain we have to soldier through, we should see them as fertile terrain we can gain sustenance from…Transitions are filled with tumult and unrest, but they’re also filled with helpful purging and dazzling creativity…If we view them as openings, we just might open up to them,” said Bruce Feiler.

The Things Your Mom Should Have Told You Book of the Month is "Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at any Age" by Bruce Feiler.

In the olden days, moms used to clip articles from newspapers for their kids if they thought it was something they needed to know. I’m keeping an eye out for things that you might have missed that may be helpful to you.

This week’s clips:

“Should-ing” on yourself won’t motivate you. Dr. Jillian Bybee of Humans Leading explains why and what you should do instead in a mere 380 words.

When should you tell people you’re looking for a long-term relationship? Dating coach Logan Ury has the answer in this reel.

It really is okay not to reply to your text messages right away. Texting etiquette expert Erica Dhawan explains why and tells Life Kit how to be a better texter (read or listen).

Things Your Mom Should Have Told You

If life is full of plot twists, why not learn how to master them?

Bruce Feiler shares what his research revealed about navigating life transitions

This week’s clips:

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