Like siblings without the rivalry–Let’s hear it for cousins

Why it's worth cultivating your relationship with those who sprouted from the same family tree

Later this week, we celebrate National Cousins Day. Humorist Erma Bombeck titled one of her books, “Family-The Ties that Bind and Gag,” and I think that speaks to why we need cousins. Sometimes the proximity of your immediate family breeds contempt. So it’s helpful to have other relatives in your posse you don’t have to deal with on a daily basis.

The above photo (which looks oddly like we might have been auditioning for an episode of “Family Feud”) features some of my cousins on my dad’s side of the family. Because my dad and my Uncle Bob were only two years apart, we were close in age to this cousin cohort. Since my parents enjoyed Uncle Bob and Aunt Anita’s company, we routinely got together with their family while we were growing up.

Here’s why cousins are a valuable limb on your family tree.

Sometimes a cousin is the sister you wouldn’t otherwise have

Having my cousin Carol around was like having a pseudo-older sister without the downside of actually having one who’d be around enough that we’d get on each other’s nerves. Plus, who else but your cousins are as well-versed as you in dealing with the quirks and oddities circulating within your gene pool? The five people pictured here understood why every family gathering had to end with the singing of our dads’ alma mater, and even grew to appreciate this unique custom.

Sometimes a cousin is the friend you discovered in your own backyard

My Uncle Chuck had said he had a hunch that my youngest daughter would hit it off with my cousin Chip’s daughter. When Meredith was almost 4 and Christina was nearly 5, they had the chance to test that theory out in person. Turned out that Uncle Chuck was right.

Though their playdates were sporadic since we live in PA and Christina lives in NC, Mer and Christina were like two peas in a pod when they did get together.

Imagine how tickled their great-grandparents must be when they look down from heaven and see these distant cousins having the time of their lives together.

Other times, a cousin is like having an extra brother who doesn’t always enjoy your company

My younger brother and I are seen here with my cousin Michael. My mom and her first cousin Margie somehow managed to birth their firstborn children on the same day in 1966. My mom and Margie were already close when this happened, but having two kids the same age further cemented their bond.

All through our childhood, our families routinely got together. But by the time Michael and I turned 16, we didn’t have much in common. Can you tell from the photo? Nonetheless, it was more fun than just being with my immediate family all the time.

Cousins are there for you on your big days

Who else besides your parents and grandparents is willing to sit through a three-hour dance recital even though you spent only 5 minutes on stage? Why cousins, of course (shoutout to the aunts and uncles who accompanied them). Cousins are sometimes the first people who help you experience the joy of someone showing up for you.

Cousins can keep a family outing from being lame

For a time, some of my Conrad cousins and our offspring would make an annual excursion to NYC over Thanksgiving break. We all enjoyed the Broadway shows and the sightseeing. But for the teens, the real attraction was having somebody their own age to roll eyes with over the hereditary insanity they had in common.

Sometimes, a cousin just makes your whole day

A cousin can arrive at just the right time, like when you happen to be old enough to cradle them in your arms like a real live baby doll of your very own. Doesn’t Cassie look like she’s having the best day ever cradling cousin Kylie?

Years later, Cassie made Kylie’s day by letting her help blow out the birthday candles.

Comedian Jim Gaffigan has said, “Cousins are the barometers of how fun a family get-together will be,” and I believe he is correct.

When you’re young, you can usually rely on your parents to facilitate get-togethers that allow you to stay in touch with your cousins. That may no longer be the case when you’re grown. So it becomes part of your responsibility to periodically cultivate the family tree so its roots remain healthy and its branches stay strong.

Why not observe National Cousins Day by organizing a cookout with your cousins, or by at least giving one or more of them a call?

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