The Christmas Card became the bane of my existence. My mother would go with me to a specialty invitation shop to order ridiculously expensive stationary cards, I would pay for a photo shoot on the beach so all our family in NY could be jealous of our Florida lifestyle. My mother would shame me in hand addressing 115 cards, Christmas stamps. It was an expensive, time consuming tradition that I found stressful. My mother’s tradition was never that fun for me - and a lot of stress. As social media became the prominent way to share pictures of my sons growing up -daily vs once a year, I came to question why I needed a card. My adult sons were not cooperative at all, and during Covid I just stopped. I never wrote a note explaining it as you did which was a great idea but it was so freeing to let it go. Was I a bad daughter and mother letting a “tradition” go? I always had guilt over it. I was doing it for my mother’s expectations but not for my happiness and along with many other “traditions” that I did all the work but didn’t matter or were appreciated by others. Letting that card go became the first step in holiday peace. I now think about traditions are meant to evolve with each generation, they aren’t mandatory. This way the guilt and often resentment doesn’t build. And yes, my mother mailed out her Christmas card of her and my father right after Thanksgiving. For her it’s a reinforcement that she matters. And that’s okay for her, it’s not one I need.
I so enjoy reading your stories. You have so much warmth and humor. Dominic and I had no children but every year we would take a photo wearing our Christmas hats and send those out instead. But the unique thing is, we would have taken the photo in the summer, somewhere on our travels. We had one in Venice in a gondola, one in Ronda, Spain wearing ridiculous flamenco costumes, one in Singapore. Everyone had their favorites. Some people collected them, or so they told us. So, needless to say, when Dominic died in Nov ember 2015, that tradition stopped. Oops, so sorry if this comment has turned sad. Didn't mean it to.
The Christmas Card became the bane of my existence. My mother would go with me to a specialty invitation shop to order ridiculously expensive stationary cards, I would pay for a photo shoot on the beach so all our family in NY could be jealous of our Florida lifestyle. My mother would shame me in hand addressing 115 cards, Christmas stamps. It was an expensive, time consuming tradition that I found stressful. My mother’s tradition was never that fun for me - and a lot of stress. As social media became the prominent way to share pictures of my sons growing up -daily vs once a year, I came to question why I needed a card. My adult sons were not cooperative at all, and during Covid I just stopped. I never wrote a note explaining it as you did which was a great idea but it was so freeing to let it go. Was I a bad daughter and mother letting a “tradition” go? I always had guilt over it. I was doing it for my mother’s expectations but not for my happiness and along with many other “traditions” that I did all the work but didn’t matter or were appreciated by others. Letting that card go became the first step in holiday peace. I now think about traditions are meant to evolve with each generation, they aren’t mandatory. This way the guilt and often resentment doesn’t build. And yes, my mother mailed out her Christmas card of her and my father right after Thanksgiving. For her it’s a reinforcement that she matters. And that’s okay for her, it’s not one I need.
It seems to me the wisest thing we can do for ourselves is figure out which traditions work for us and how to let them evolve over time
I so enjoy reading your stories. You have so much warmth and humor. Dominic and I had no children but every year we would take a photo wearing our Christmas hats and send those out instead. But the unique thing is, we would have taken the photo in the summer, somewhere on our travels. We had one in Venice in a gondola, one in Ronda, Spain wearing ridiculous flamenco costumes, one in Singapore. Everyone had their favorites. Some people collected them, or so they told us. So, needless to say, when Dominic died in Nov ember 2015, that tradition stopped. Oops, so sorry if this comment has turned sad. Didn't mean it to.
I'd love to see one of your Christmas card photos